Exhausted

God is good… but I am exhausted.

And so was he–exhausted.

Exhausting his final breath

in a forceful cry

at the moment of unmerited abandonment by God himself

restrained by his own mutilated hands and feet

naked and humiliated

violated by the very souls for whom he would secure salvation

by the very souls for whom he instructed the Father to “Forgive them.”

He was exhausted

by the force of my rebellion tight around his neck

by my pride in striped welts across his back

by my contempt tearing through his side and scraping down is face

and spewing derision through my lips because “How dare he call himself my King?”

blood and water pouring to the earth

the cup he had received in obedience: my sin offering and my baptism

his exhaustion unto death for me

He was exhausted

And though exhausted, he came through–

anyway

…kept his promise to us: that he is both merciful and just,

to all the nations,

anyway

…passed through Hell and came back to life for the redemption of our own

anyway

…paid for our sin in full and never ceased to love us

anyway

…succumbed to the the full gravity of human iniquity and rose supernaturally from the grave

anyway

that no matter the tyranny of Death, we can live fully, free and forever,

with God beside us,

now and tomorrow and anyway

I am exhausted, but he was exhausted

so that I can pass through any valley of the Shadow and never settle down there

–not anymore

yea, though I walk, I will keep walking and

yea, though I may tread for too long in that place

or revisit several times, I keep walking because

I am exhausted, but you were exhausted

and are with me in my weariness

so that I may rest in assurance that, just as it was for my King, my indomitable Friend, there is the other side for me

-for us, always

God, you are good. God, I am exhausted.

God, you are good, and you hear and know and have compassion on my cry.

God you are good; You make promises and you keep them.

God you are good; Life is here to stay.

Therefore, Abba–Immah, I pray:

Lift up your beloved out of this valley,
again.
I lift up my hands in supplication and exaltation alike.
I will wait for you, and while I wait, I will glorify your name.

You are worthy to be trusted;
You are worthy to be praised.

Today, I am exhausted, but
You, my God, are so good.

Copyright © 2021 A.M. Wilsonne

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